Memories of the 120 minutes before marriage

I sat in front of the dressing table. The barber was busy blowing my hair behind me. I looked in the mirror but could not see anything.

I am getting married to Yi today. After blowing my hair, I will take a rented car to Yi's house and marry her.

Well! Where should I start? Let me start by introducing myself! I am 28 years old and was born in a small town. I am afraid you have never even seen it, but I was born here.

My father was a farmer's son, but when he was fifteen, my grandfather passed away. So when he divided the family property, he was given a poor dry land, where he could only grow sweet potatoes, peanuts and other grains. So when he was fifteen, my father went out to be an apprentice, learning to repair bicycles, and later learned to repair motorcycles. Let's not talk about these. Anyway, he gave birth to me when he was thirty years old. I have a brother who is three years older than me.

My dad was repairing motorcycles when he was 50 years old. A road was built next to our family’s land. As a result, the price of our land increased more than tenfold. It took my father another year and a half to sell it, and our family savings increased to eight figures, haha!

So when I was a sophomore, my family became rich. My father no longer repaired motorcycles. He now played with my brother's son all day long, and occasionally went out to play mahjong with his friends or go fishing. Because Ayi's father also liked fishing, I got to know Ayi, and even two hours later, I would worship the ancestors with her and toast to the guests at each table. Ayi is my third girlfriend. The biggest difference between her and the previous two girls is that she should get married. My feeling about her is: this girl is good, marry her home.

It may not sound romantic to say this, but it's the truth. We should both get married. I feel good about her and she feels good about me, so okay! Let's get married! So we've known each other for three months, and I'm sitting in this chair, letting the barber play with my hair.

It's like getting up when the alarm goes off. We get married when we reach a certain age. "It's called an alarm clock marriage," said Akira Otori, my best friend in high school.

Although Otori Ming is my classmate, he is two years older than me. Because he re-examined and was held back, he got married two years ago. The bride was introduced by his aunt. Otori Ming said this when we were drinking that night.

I laughed at him at that time, but now I really feel the same way!

"Do you love me?" Ayi asked me this after we had sex for the first time.

"I love you! How could I not love you? Didn't I love you enough just now? Do you want to love me again?" I hugged her tighter.

"I'm not talking about that!" Ah Yi laughed and hit me, "I'm talking about whether I'm the only one in your heart."

"Of course! You are the only one in my heart! Xiao Yiyi." I said.

"You must not change your mind in the future!" Ayi looked into my eyes and said. There was a light in her eyes, and it was like a whirlpool that was going to sweep me down.

"Don't worry! You are the one I love most in my life! Unless the sun rises from the west, I will never change my mind." I said this. Ayi leaned on my shoulder happily.

At that time, I thought of Xiaoxue. She had asked me the same question, but not in bed. I was still very innocent at that time and didn't have the courage to do so. What I said at that time was: "Neither of us knows what the future will be like, but what I can guarantee is that you are the only one in my heart now, and you are the one I love the most. Isn't that enough?"

It turned out that it was not enough, because we broke up later. However, I am now 28 years old, not as stupid as I was when I was 20. I still don’t know what will happen in the future, but I know one thing, if I don’t say that to Ayi, I will have to work harder to coax her. Such a simple thing, why didn’t I understand it when I was 20? I was so stupid when I was 20!

Xiaoxue was my first girlfriend. In fact, if I use my current standards, we were probably just friends at that time, not even good friends.

Why do I say that? Because we only know each other's beautiful and polite side. Until we broke up, she had never seen me playing billiards. But then again, Ayi hadn't seen it either, because I hadn't played billiards for two years. Alas! Poor people in society!

I have forgotten how Xiaoxue and I met, but we met at a one-on-one event during college. Why did I pursue her? I guess it was out of curiosity! I had received six years of education as a monk and studied engineering at university, so I was full of curiosity about women and longing for love, so I looked impatient and behaved stupidly and awkwardly.

When I first met Xiaoxue, I didn't think she was very pretty. To paraphrase my friend, "Women! Two eyes, a nose, and a mouth."

But strangely, she has a very beautiful smile. Every time I see her smile, I always have a wonderful feeling, as if I wake up in the morning in summer and look up at the sky, with a pale white moon hanging in the light blue sky, giving me a very comfortable feeling.

"Is there?" Xiaoxue put down the cup and smiled. "I don't know." she said.

"Yes, yes, yes! It's that smile." I raised my voice as if I had found a treasure and said, "Wait a minute, let me take a picture."

The flash went on; I still have this photo; Yi found my college photo album when she was rummaging through my apartment.

"Who is this? She's so pretty!" She said in the tone of someone grabbing my pigtails, like a mother seeing a child stealing candy.

I took a look and said to her, "That's it! My first love!" Ayi seemed to have found a treasure and kept asking me about Xiaoxue and me.

As a result, I had to talk to her for the entire afternoon. So, listen to me, never tell love stories to women. They like to hear them and will bring them up to settle the score with you later.

"What do I look like when I smile?" Ayi asked me. I said, "It looks like a cute smile that will charm me to death!"

Ah Yi had a disappointed expression. She said, "I want an adjective like hers!"

Oh! What a joke, I am a 28-year-old successful real estate salesman, I know how to explain the advantages of a house and hide the disadvantages of a house, but I am no longer the 20-year-old me, I will not write love letters, poems, and write about how I love a woman in the middle of the night.

I had to use what I copied, and I said, "It's like a thousand roses blooming at the same time!"

Ah Yi smiled and said, "You won't be fascinated by a thousand roses blooming together. You will only be fascinated by a thousand thousand-yuan bills."

I was speechless. Is it that I only like money now?

My story with Xiaoxue is also very ordinary. At the beginning, I seemed to keep telling myself day and night, "You love her to death!" So I didn't play billiard or basketball with my friends, go for a ride on my bike, or participate in any social activities. I would go to see her whenever I had time, and rack my brains to write love letters every night. I didn't know how she felt, but when she came to see me, she would always call me after she had arrived, and no matter what I was doing, she would insist that I go to accompany her immediately.

I don't know what she thought I was, a radio taxi? But I was enjoying it at the time, dating girls, holding hands, making them laugh, kissing them, it seemed pretty good, much more fun than playing snooker.

Is this what I thought at that time? I forgot, I shouldn't have been so low-level at that time. I must have loved her very much! I was willing to do anything for her as long as she asked me to do it. Really, I wrote in my diary at that time: "No matter how far the distance is, no matter how difficult the journey is, as long as you call me, I will be there at any time. My love makes me fearless, even the deepest part of hell, the power of the devil cannot make me afraid, with your love, I will move forward. "

Afterwards, when I look back at the things from the past, I always feel a little sad. Our breakup can be said to be inevitable, because after all, I am not a radio taxi driver. It is okay to drive a taxi part-time occasionally, but if it is like this every day, I can't stand it.

"Big Head! Are you going to look for your wife again today?" my experimental partner Snoopy asked me.

"Well...! It's okay! We can still leave after we finish it." I said. That experiment was more difficult. Snoopy had helped me with several experiments, so I was really embarrassed this time.

"That's good!" he said happily. We continued to work hard on connecting the lines and adjusting the oscilloscope.

Xiaoxue and I did have an appointment that day. She called me at noon and asked me to meet her at her dormitory at 7pm. But I felt embarrassed to ask Snoopy to work so late every time. So... Oh! It was already 6:30 when I finished the experiment. I hurriedly rode my motorcycle in the drizzle and rode to their school. It was 7:30.

I called for help, but no one was in her room. At this time, I began to exert my amazing endurance, drinking two cans of Coke and smoking half a pack of cigarettes. It was half past ten. The lady came back. I saw her from a distance, holding hands with another boy happily. I was stunned behind the bushes, watching her and the boy say goodbye at the dormitory door, and I left without looking back.

On the way back to school, it was still raining. Riding a motorcycle in this kind of weather is the most dangerous. The rain would make the safety glass of the helmet foggy. I lifted the safety glass and my glasses were foggy again.

I don't know how fast I was riding on the Second Provincial Road, I just know that the wind on my face hurt, and when I opened my mouth to shout, a lot of wind blew in all at once.

After returning to the dormitory, I went to watch MTV by myself until dawn. Of course, I didn’t care about the smoking addiction that Xiaoxue wanted to quit. When I went back to the dormitory to sleep in the morning, the only thing in my mind was “I am a fucking idiot.”

Xiaoxue didn't know about this until we broke up two months later. Of course, I didn't dare let the kind Snoopy know.

Thinking about it now, that night was probably the closest I was to death. It was pure luck that I didn't fall into the ravine. I have always been grateful to God for not taking my life that day.

This incident had a significant impact on our relationship. I tried to restore my relationship with my best friend and resumed playing billiards and basketball, smoking, playing cards and bluffing with friends. Xiaoxue did not react to my changes. She often said on the phone: "Oh! You have something to do! That's fine. It's okay."

I tried very hard to find out from her tone and letters whether she minded my absence, but the result was no, she was still indifferent and had not changed at all.

Two months later in the summer, I received a call from her.

"Big Head, I'm at the train station, do you want to come out?" She still spoke in her usual tone, coming to the city where I live alone without informing me in advance. That day was three days before the Chinese Valentine's Day, a Sunday.

"Oh! I'll be there soon, please wait a moment!" I responded, hung up the phone, and rode my bike to the train station to find her.

She wore tight jeans and a light green Zodano T-shirt. We wandered aimlessly on the street, chatting as usual, but I didn't know why I felt that the atmosphere was different that day. We bought a pair of jewelry in the jewelry store, and then went to the store next door to drink coffee. Neither of us spoke while drinking coffee. At the door of the coffee shop, she said, "Goodbye!" Then she turned her head and walked towards the train station alone.

I smiled, got on my motorcycle and went home to play video games.

After that day, I never saw her again, no longer corresponded, no longer held the phone in the middle of the night. Of course, no one made fun of me anymore, "You stupid bastard, you forget your friends for the sake of a woman." Some of my friends who were bored would always ask me, "What happened between you and your girlfriend?"

I was so annoyed that I just spread the word: "If anyone asks me about that woman again, I will turn against him." Then they stopped asking.

Later, when we moved to a new dormitory, all of Xiaoxue's letters were lost. The only things I had left about her were that photo and the hand I bought on the day we broke up. Sometimes I would dream about her, and her face would become increasingly blurry.

"If you hadn't seen that guy with her that time, would you have broken up with her?" Ayi asked me after listening to me.

I thought about it and said, "Yes! Because I will meet you." Ayi laughed again and said, "You lied to me again! Tell the truth!"

Of course I didn't tell the truth to Ayi, I just lied and got away with it; but I have thought about this question myself, if I didn't wait for three hours that day, if Xiaoxue waited for me for half an hour that day, if that man was just Xiaoxue's way of making me angry... . Would I break up with her? I think I would, why didn't I want to leave Snoopy and do the experiment alone that day? In addition to being embarrassed, is there any other reason? Or maybe I was tired of being a radio taxi driver, but I just didn't know it. I think the reason for the breakup was not the man, but the distance and boredom! But I don't know if it's really like this.

The barber finally finished his work, I put on my glasses and stood up, my brother was waiting for me outside the door. "Hey! My brother is pretty handsome!"

We got into his car and I lit up a cigarette. My brother said, "Flick the ash out! If your sister-in-law catches me, I'll be scolded again."

"All right!" I said, "I'm a real man!"

My brother laughed dryly and asked me, "Did Dad tell you anything about the umbrella yesterday?"

"Yes!" I answered, "Why, the day before your wedding, he also talked to you about umbrellas."

"Yes!" The elder brother said with a smile, "When my son gets married, I will also tell him about umbrellas, so that all the men in our family will know the story of umbrellas."

Last night, a bunch of relatives and friends gathered at my house. The topics of conversation were nothing more than what kind of family Ayi was from, what Ayi looked like, and when I would give birth to my child, how I felt, etc. My mother happily took out the wedding photos of Ayi and me, talked about the financial situation of Ayi's family, and showed people around our new house. My father sat aside, smiling proudly at his success in matchmaking.

"Our Xiangzi! He has been looking for a wife for a long time but couldn't find one. I introduced him to one and he succeeded at the first try." Dad said while the eldest brother's child sat on his lap and ate candy. Of course, the relatives were flattering him.

After the relatives left, my father rushed into my room. I was lying on the newly bought double bed, looking at the words all over the room and the red paper pasted everywhere. My father sat down beside the bed and said, "You are getting married tomorrow. After marriage, you will have a responsibility. Don't let your wife and children worry about you."

I sat up and said, "I know! I won't worry Ayi!" To be honest, I am more anxious than happy about getting married; I am more busy than happy. Ayi and I are so busy that we are almost idiots. We take wedding photos, buy furniture, send wedding cakes, and do this and that. Every time my brother hears me complain, he says, "Think about it, you can go to Australia for half a month after you get married! I guarantee you will feel that marriage is really great when you come back."

Dad then started his umbrella marriage philosophy. He said, "I am like an umbrella. The son-in-law is the umbrella cover, and I am the umbrella rib." He waited for me to nod and continued, "An umbrella cannot block the rain without the umbrella cover, and it is afraid of being sold without the umbrella ribs. Do you understand?"

"I know, Dad!" I said. Dad nodded and said, "Ah, the baby is the umbrella to protect you from the rain. You are not uncooperative, but the baby is pitiful. The umbrella has holes, and the baby is there to patch the holes. So, after you get married, sir, think about your husband before you do anything. If your marriage is harmonious, you will get divorced."

Note: See if there is one! Let me translate this sentence, "Children are under the umbrella to avoid the rain. If you and your spouse don't cooperate, the children will be pitiful! If the umbrella has a hole, the children will patch the hole. So! After you get married, give birth to children first, and think about your wife and children before doing anything. This way, your marriage will be harmonious and there will be no divorce."

Then the father talked about the man's responsibility for the outside world and the woman's responsibility for the inside world, saying that everything at home should be done by Ayi, but money matters should not be given to Ayi to make all the decisions, and the same applies to career matters. After the discussion, the father said, "You will be busy tomorrow, go to bed early."

I lay in bed, thinking about what my father said, but I stopped thinking about it after a while. I was getting married! When I put the ring on Ayi's finger, I was determined to tie our fates together. But what I was thinking about was whether I really loved Ayi, or whether I was just following my parents' orders to marry a girl and then tie me and Ayi together with responsibility. Was this fair to Ayi? I didn't want to think about it too much. I would talk about this question after the wedding. I was busy tomorrow.

What about Ah Yi? What does she think? We have only known each other for three months, and we have spent more time sizing each other up than talking about love. Although I think I love her and she loves me, our relationship has never been tested and has no time to grow. Is this reliable?

"Whatever! Blind dates are just like that. If both parties like each other, they can get married first. Anyway, free love may not be more stable than blind dates. You have to believe that your luck is always good." I comforted myself, put these questions aside immediately, and had a good sleep. When I thought of Ayi in my dream, I laughed. I am very happy, am I not? Ayi's family background is similar to mine. Ayi's education, appearance, and personality are all good. I really have no reason to be unhappy. It's really good to marry such a wife!

The car drove back home in no time. After entering the house, my mother helped me tidy up my appearance and adjusted the position of my tie.

"Let Ayi help you tie your tie tomorrow." Mom said. I smiled and replied, "You tie it better!"

My mother also laughed. I know what she always said was: "In this life, I just want to see you brothers get married, have a few grandchildren for me to hug, and enjoy a few years of peace and quiet, and then I can die." I think my mother was partly responsible for my marriage!

The wedding convoy set off after comparing watches and checking radios. Ayi's home was not far away, but in order to save time, the convoy had to take a long detour and drive slowly, which took a full half hour.

I sat in the back seat and began to think of Fen. Fen was my second girlfriend and probably the woman I felt most sorry for. I met Fen in my senior year. At that time, apart from the nine classes a week, I spent the rest of my time hanging out outside. In addition to working at a cram school to make money, I also participated in direct sales, insurance, real estate, securities trading and other activities everywhere. My mind was full of money. And I met Fen at the cram school where I worked.

Fen is one year older than me. After graduating from college, she worked as a tutor at a cram school, while I taught math, physics and chemistry at that cram school. I was attracted to her because of the way she was with children. What was that like? It was always difficult for me to explain, but it was the expression of love and the lovely smile, or as my friend said, "maternal beauty" that attracted me. She often smiled lightly, and the dimples on both sides of her face were cute, which made me irresistible.

When I was pursuing her, my family had already sold the land and I had quite a bit of money. I often drove around in my beloved Mitsubishi Sunroof. I could say that I used a silver bullet offensive when I first started pursuing her, sending her flowers and gifts every few days, but she remained unmoved. Later I found out that she had a boyfriend who was serving in the army on an outlying island at that time.

"It's not that I don't like you. Your pursuit does make my heart beat a little, but I already have a boyfriend. Even though he's not by my side, my heart is all on him. I really don't want to hurt you, so please don't send me flowers anymore."

The first letter Fen wrote to me was like this. You can understand what I was thinking at that time. I liked her, but she liked someone else. I was not exempted from military service, and I did not want to hurt that innocent man, but it was really difficult for me to let go.

I talked to my brother about this, and he said, "That's weird. If every man is like you, why would my girlfriend run away when I was in the army? If you like someone, just chase him. Why worry so much?"

"But I have to serve in the army in another six months. What if she runs away?" I said.

"Who knows what will happen in the future? What I see right now is that you are in great distress. If you can catch up with her now, at least you can spend half a year with her. It's better than being heartbroken before you even join the army." The elder brother said, "You can't even take care of the present, and you're still thinking about the future."

So I didn't care about the poor man on the outer island at all and continued to pursue her. When the force failed, I tried to beg her softly and made it clear that at least we could still be friends.

Later, Fen told me, "I wanted to cut off all ties with you at that time, but you were like super glue, so sticky!"

I laughed and said, "You're kidding. How can I pursue you if I don't stick to you? It's because I love you so much that I don't care about my image at all."

I would go to her house to pick her up whenever I wanted, and ask my colleagues from the cram school to cover for me. When she had a day off, several colleagues would definitely go out with her, and of course, as long as she was there, I would definitely go. Gradually, I ended up spending all day with her, and I even used improper means to sleep with her. It was her first time, and she had been dating her boyfriend for two years, and that guy had never touched her. This put me under a lot of moral pressure. Although she didn't blame me afterwards, and her relationship with me became better, I always felt sorry for her.

When I was about to graduate, she told me, "I broke up with Zhengliang." Then she burst into tears. She kept talking about how sorry she was to Zhengliang and her past with Zhengliang for the whole afternoon. To be honest, I didn't listen to a word she said. Although I was comforting her, I was so happy inside. That night, we made love non-stop. She cried every time we made love, and told me that I must not abandon her because she abandoned Zhengliang for me. To prove this point, we made love again after she stopped crying.

The crisis between Fen and me first appeared at my home. I took her home to meet my family. Fen's personality was quite introverted. She often didn't say a few words to my family and stayed in my room with me. At that time, I didn't feel that this was dangerous at all. I thought that since she didn't get along well with my family, I should bring her back to my home less often, so I had to run to her home all day. My mother was very disgusted with this matter. She was very afraid that her son would become the son of someone else's family. But my mother didn't mention it in front of me. She told me about it through my brother.

"Brother! Why doesn't your Xiufen chat with mom when she comes to our house?" My brother asked me to go out for tea, and after chatting for a while, he got straight to the point.

"She's not very good at talking! And every time mom watches that restaurant show, Xiufen doesn't like it." I explained for Fen.

"Then why don't you stay at home and go to her house whenever you have something to do." The elder brother said, "I'm telling you that your mother is very unhappy with you. If you really like her and plan to have a long-term relationship with her, it's best not to ruin your relationship with her."

"I didn't! I didn't often go to her house and stay for a long time." I completely denied this situation at that time, because I didn't think I was like that at all. Although I now know that my mother's concerns at that time were normal, I was not at home every day, helping Xiufen's sister with high school math, and her father was sick, so I went to help her family look after the store and move goods. And I was too honest. When I got home, I thought I did a good thing and told my family proudly. I didn't realize my mother's jealousy at all. My mother's disgust with Xiufen eventually led to our breakup.

Another shortcoming of Fen that my mother criticized was that she was too accommodating to me. She didn't even object to my smoking, and she would accompany me to play billiards and have fun with my best friends all night. My mother opposed all these behaviors of mine. When she saw that Fen not only ignored me, but also accompanied me in making trouble, her disgust towards Fen gradually deepened. My mother even criticized Fen in front of me, but she said she couldn't win, and even brought up the reason that Fen's father had surgery and was in the hospital, and her family's financial situation was not good.

I had a big fight with my mom because of this sentence. I still remember that my mom was crying and scolding me for not caring about her for a woman. When I saw her like that, although I wanted to comfort her, I didn't have the nerve to do it at that time. I drove to find Fen again.

Fen saw that I had a grumpy face, but she didn't ask me directly what was wrong. But I was really angry at the time, so since she didn't ask, I told her everything clearly without reservation.

Fen was smarter than me and realized the danger of this matter. "Why did you come out to find me? If you still want me to be your girlfriend, go home quickly." Fen said to me anxiously.

"No, I will never go home tonight." I think I must have been so angry that I lost my mind. No matter what Fen said, I would never leave. Fen had no choice but to call my house, hoping to get my brother to come out and persuade me to go back. But it was my mother who answered the phone. When she heard Fen's voice, she started to curse.

To be honest, I admire Fen's self-cultivation. Later, she wrote to me, "Your mother was really mad that time, and she was right. I am older than you, my family is not well off, and I can't please her. She was really right, really... You don't have to quarrel with your mother because of me. I don't want to see you and your mother unhappy because of me. This will only make your mother hate me more, and I can't be with you even more."

That time, my dad heard my mom scolding me like that. He must have been Fen’s phone call, so he quickly snatched the phone and asked where I was. Then he came out to find me and took me home. I went home with Fen. When my mom saw us, she pointed at Fen’s nose and scolded her. Of course, I couldn’t stand it and immediately quarreled with her. When my mom saw me helping Fen again, she was so angry that her whole body was shaking. I think I will never forget that scene. Mom was shaking and crying, scolding me with very ugly words. Fen stood behind me, holding my hand tightly, and was shaking too. I looked back at her, and her tears were flowing like a broken string, but she didn’t say a word, just tried to hold my hand and stand.

Dad held Mom in his arms and pushed her into the dining room, yelling, "Ah Rong, send Ah Fen home! Xiangzi, you're still talking. Can you please stop talking?"

My brother quietly pulled Fen and tried to walk out, but I held Fen tightly and yelled at my mother, "Let's make it clear today. I want to marry Xiufen. What can you do to me?" Fen tried to shake off my hand. She whispered, "Xiang, let go! I want to go back!"

Afen went back home that day after all. My mom, my dad and I confronted each other in the living room for an hour before my dad pulled my mom back to her room to sleep. I lay on the sofa and smoked non-stop, as if smoking could solve all the problems.

As soon as my brother came back, he sat down and lit a cigarette. After he finished smoking, he said to me: "Brother, think about it yourself. What good will it do for you and Xiufen? Xiufen kept crying on the way back and asked me if it would be better for her if she broke up with you. Tell me, are you forcing Xiufen to leave you by doing this?" My brother stood up and went back to his room to sleep.

I couldn't refute what he said. Given Fen's personality, she didn't want to make anyone unhappy because of her. What's more, the two people today were me and my mother.

A few days after that night, I received a draft notice and was sent to Longtian Base in Tainan to serve in the army. I talked to my mother several times, and she admitted that it was not because Fen's family was not well off or because she was older than me, but because I was too protective of Fen. She simply could not stand her little son being like this. I told her, "It's not that I don't recognize you as my mother, but you have been my mother since I was born, but Fen is different. I have to chase her to have a wife."

My mother said, "Why do you have to have that one? Can't you change one?" I don't understand why my mother would think like that. We are both women, so how does she treat Fen?

"You know it's not that easy to chase a girlfriend? And I really like Afen! Besides, Afen just can't speak, what's wrong with her? Why do you dislike her?" I said.

Mom sighed and said, "Forget it! Forget it! As long as you like it."

To be honest, I really couldn't understand. Did my liking for Xiufen mean that I didn't want my mother? What was the connection between these two things? Later, my brother said to me, "You are too good to Xiufen's family, but what about your own family? You go to sleep as soon as you get home, and when you are full, you go to help her family run the store. Sometimes you don't even go home. This is too unreasonable."

"But my family doesn't need me. Xiufen's family is different. Her father is sick, and her mother has to take care of him. She has to go to work, and her sister is still in school. It would make a big difference if I were to help."

"You are going to join the army soon, what will happen to Fen's family?" my brother said. This sentence touched my sore spot. I was worried as soon as I received the draft notice. What will happen to Fen's family during the two years I am in the army? What will happen to Fen? I am going to join the army when her family needs help the most. If someone treats her better at this time, will she run away with someone else? I am very worried about this.

"Fen, when I go to join the army, you must not change your mind!" I went to Fen's house on the third day after receiving my enlistment notice.

Finn said, "The most important problem between us is not your joining the army!" She continued, "There are too many obstacles between us. It is better to separate early than to force ourselves to be together."

"Don't say that!" I was really scared at that time. She was like this before I went to the army. If I went to the army, I wouldn't be able to see her several times a month. Wouldn't that be the end of me?

"Fen! As long as we are firm enough, there won't be any problem with my mom. My dad doesn't oppose us, but my mom can't do anything alone." I reached out and held her hand and said, "Besides, my mom said yesterday that as long as I like you, she has no reason to object. Believe me, okay!"

Fen didn't answer. She just looked at me, her eyes full of things I didn't understand. After a while, she smiled and said, "The three words 'trust me' really work! It's as if I believe in you and everything will be fine." She lowered her head and said, "It would be great if it were really like that!"

"Fen! Don't be like this! How can I feel at ease to join the army if you're like this?"

Fen kept her head down. In those short ten minutes, it seemed to me that a century had passed. I was not unaware of the difficulties she would face. She had to take care of a family, maintain her relationship with my mother, maintain her relationship with me, and endure the pain of missing each other. It was no wonder that she was afraid. If it were me, I would have run away long ago. At that time, we both felt only fear, strong fear. Later, I kept thinking that if there was love in the world that could resist everything, those two guys were either selfish or had no burden at all.

Fen finally raised her head. There were no tears in her eyes. She said, "Never mind. How about we go to the beach today?" Of course I agreed.

We spent the whole night watching the sea. It was very dark on the sea, and the low waning moon was not bright. The sea breeze from the coast blew over the sea, bringing bursts of coolness. We leaned against the sun for a whole night, and she kept her head buried in my arms. Finally, when the sun shone over the land, she said to me: "It's finally dawn!"

I know what she means, which is "what needs to be faced must be faced."

I asked my brother to take good care of Fen, gave her my own 100,000 yuan, and asked her sister to help me look after Fen. I also told Fen: "I will write to you every day, you don't have to worry about me, come to my house more often when you have time, and get along well with my mother. I will be back as soon as I have a holiday. You have worked hard for the past 20 months."

Fen didn't say much, she just said one word: "Okay!"

When I was in recruit training, I really wrote letters every day. For me, writing letters was a very painful thing. Besides, there was really nothing to write about when I was in the army. I had to write letters every day to ask Fen how she was doing and what was going on at home.

The first two months were fine. Although she and my mom only maintained a polite relationship, my dad was very nice to her. Although Fen was busy, she would always find time to visit my house. However, as you might imagine, this period of time did not last long. Fen's father's illness worsened after I finished my new recruit training. Fen's sister wrote to me, "My sister has been so pitiful recently. I often want to temporarily drop out of school to help her, but she always scolds me back. Brother Lin, it would be great if you were here. I'm really afraid that my sister can't hold on alone. If she collapses, this family will probably be..."

Fen's letter was not as serious as her sister's. She only said, "Dad's illness is getting worse. The doctor said he may not live for more than a year. Mom stays by his side day and night. I think if Dad collapses, Mom will probably collapse too. Sigh... Only now do I know what it means to be fickle. ... Are you doing well in Tainan? Don't worry about me too much. Life has to go on anyway. Although I often feel lonely when you are not by my side, I miss you every time I have free time. It would be great if you were here, so I don't have to do these things alone. I miss you so much! I miss the happy days we had in the past. Forget it, it's late and I have to be busy tomorrow."

Every time I went home during the holidays, I saw her becoming more and more listless. One time, she even said to me, "Why don't you just run away? Let's run to the mountains and hide there."

I was really shocked that time. Fen has always been more responsible than me. I am only responsible for her, but she is responsible for everyone. I was really surprised that she would say such a thing. Fortunately, she immediately said, "I'm kidding! Don't take it seriously."

But I knew that she was really tired, and maybe she really needed another man to take care of her. I began to seriously consider the pros and cons of our breakup.

Fen broke up with me not long after I had served in the army for a year. At that time, I was guarding the coast in Changbin, Taitung. I looked at the sea every day and my mind went blank. I wrote to her and told her that if someone pursued her, she didn't need to consider me, maybe another man was better than me. I think I really became an idiot because of looking at the sea. I actually said such words to a woman who had waited for me for almost 400 days, but at that time I really thought it was better this way.

After receiving the letter, Fen called me immediately and scolded me for being unfaithful and ungrateful, saying that I was a jerk, didn't understand women at all, was ignorant and shameless, etc. It was the first time I heard her scolding someone, but I didn't expect the target was me. I tried hard to explain my thoughts, but the more I explained, the worse it got.

She said bitterly: "Don't use this excuse to get rid of me, shameless man."

All right! I am shameless, I am ignorant, I am an idiot, I am a big fool, I am heartless, I have no lungs, no stomach, I just want to die! Listening to the sound of Fen hanging up the phone, this is the only thing in my mind. I tried hard to contact Fen, she didn't answer the phone, she didn't reply to the letter, I spent five hours looking for her during the holiday, but she avoided meeting me, and her sister said on the intercom: "My sister, my sister is out on a date!"

That voice was really ruthless! Well! I waited downstairs until the end of my leave. My brother and father grabbed me and drove me back to the army. As a result, I was banned from leave for a month. When my ban was over, I received a red post from Fen. She added a sentence at the end, "I don't want you to attend the wedding." Oh! Even if I really wanted to attend, I would not have the face to go!

Looking at the boundless Pacific Ocean, I really wanted to desert while on night duty. I squatted in the sentry post and smoked two packs of military cigarettes in two hours. I felt sick and dizzy. I wanted to vomit but couldn't. I just kept crying. The Pacific Ocean was very dark at night. That's it. I didn't desert nor commit suicide. I went to the hotel to find women during my holidays and watched puppet shows. The people in the show were so nice that they could come back to life after death.

After I returned home from military service, I tried to find out about Fen, and my colleague at the cram school said, "She got married not long after her father died, and it seems she moved to the south with her husband."

They looked at me with strange eyes. I thought that since Fen was getting married and the groom was not me, it would definitely become a topic of conversation for others!

After I finished my military service, I went back to cram school for a while, and then my mother introduced me to work at my uncle's real estate company. To be honest, there were many beautiful women with good personalities there, but I think it might be guilt! I never had the desire to chase a girlfriend again, but my junior Xiao Li said to me: "Director Lin, Miss Chen and the others all said you are so cool!"

Really, what is this bullshit, I am lazy, not cool.

So until the four years when I was dating Ayi, I could say that my love life was blank. I could not get over the guilt towards Fen. I felt sorry for her. What if her husband was not good to her? What if she was not happy? What about the vows I made before?

My brother, the only one who understands this matter, has advised me more than once. It's not that I don't know that some things in life are predestined. You can't get what you want by force, and you can't avoid what is yours. But human hearts are made of flesh. Is it really possible to not feel pain at all?

My brother once said: "One hundred percent love will create one hundred percent lovers; but one hundred percent lovers are not necessarily one hundred percent husband and wife."

He then said calmly, "Do you think the woman I love most in my life is your sister-in-law? You know I love that person the most, but so what? I treat her as a human being, and she treats me as an idiot. I treat your sister-in-law as a fool, but she is willing to marry me. Humph! Things in this world are fucking weird, especially love, which is destined to be unfair. Whoever pays more, whoever is more serious, will be the one who suffers the most."

To be honest, I don't quite agree with what my brother said, but at this age, I really don't have any illusions about love. It's impossible for me to be a taxi driver for love like before, and to bear the pressure for love. At the age of 28, I am an eagle. I will look for the best person to fall in love with. If I encounter an obstacle that I can't overcome for the time being, I will run away. I won't gamble everything for love. Is this growth or degeneration, the awakening of dreams or the disillusionment of ideals, I don't know. For me now, I want a burden of responsibility, a sense of belonging, and a home of my own, and Ayi just gave me this feeling.

Compared to Ah Yi's concern for my love life, I completely ignored her past. Of course, with her looks, it is impossible that no one pursued her. She once smiled and said, "I also had a very tortuous love story."

"As long as it's over, I don't want to know. Anyway, the Ayi I know is the Ayi who will be my wife, not the Ayi who will be someone else's girlfriend," I said.

Ah Yi smiled and said, "I am your wife, can I be someone else's girlfriend?"

"If you dare, I will capture that man and castrate him." I deliberately made my voice very deep. "If you still want to follow him like this, I'll admit it."

Ayi didn't say anything else. She played with the engagement ring on her hand and asked me, "Why do you want to marry me?"

My answer is: "Because I love you so much that I want to be with you forever, little idiot."

Ah Yi looked me straight in the eye and said, "I hope that in the end you won't have to live with me forever."

Ayi and I actually both know the main reason for this marriage. Our love is secondary, and our age and family are the main factors. If we were to date normally, I think we would have a chance to have a good relationship, but not a good marriage. Our marriage was caused by the alarm clocks ringing around us, so noisy that we had to find ways to quiet them down. Of course, this doesn't mean that we don't love each other, it's just that the alarm clocks are too noisy.

The car arrived at Ayi's house. Ayi's house was also full of people. I touched my pocket to determine the location of the red envelope, and then delivered the red envelope all the way to the outside of Ayi's room. There was a big "囍" character on the door. I opened the door and used the red envelopes to send away her classmates and friends. Only then did I see Ayi being pushed out.

I could hardly recognize her in her heavy make-up, with her thin wrists covered with gold ornaments. The crowd of aunts, aunties, and other people pushed us around, and the men outside the door hurriedly prepared bamboo poles to hang pork, rice moss, and stoves.

I held Ayi's hand and silently followed all the rules and etiquette. When the car left, bursts of firecrackers rang out all around, and the motorcade drove out of the smoke. Ayi finally raised her head. I held her hand. Although there were two layers of thin gloves between us, I could still feel her nervousness and uneasiness. We exchanged glances and knew that there was still a long way to go together. In the future, we would no longer shake hands with gloves.

In the stream of passing time, there are my eternal memories.